Why I’m No Longer A Conservative

Posted on June 9, 2009 by BeatingUpwind

Back in the day I was pretty much as conserative as they come. When I went off the college I was a member of The Young Conservatives of Texas, I was in the leadership of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, I sang in a church choir, and argued with people about things like evolution. But all that’s changed. In ways it happened quickly, in other ways it’s been a very long process.

It all started when my roommate for the summer, Nial Gaffney, an astrony major, said to me that when he looked into the stars he saw the handiwork of a god that was bigger than the god of the bible. It took me a little while to digest that, but I knew it was true. The bible puts god in a box and makes god in the image of man. The truth of the matter is that our creator is so far above us that it’s impossible to understand him/her/it. We are no more significant to our creator than grains of sand are to us.

That lead me to being a Deist. There’s actually a great deal of Deist history in the US – many of our founding fathers were Deists – Thomas Jefferson being the most notable. But that was just an accident of history since our country was founded at a time that was Deism’s zenith and that was simply because society was moving from a culture where non-believers were killed to one where they were tolerated and Deism was simply the step before atheism. When our country was founded you could be respectable and be a Deist, but you could lose everything (including your life) if you were an Atheist, so the Atheists of their day called themselves Deists.

Other changes in my belief system happened pretty quickly. If the bible wasn’t absolute truth then everything was up for reconsideration. At my heart I knew I was gay and so a year after rejecting Christiantity, I accepted myself and came out.

The process had actually started earlier – when I was in high school. The school I went to in Baltimore (Arlington Baptist School) had whole chapel services about the evils of rock music – including listening to it backwards and hearing things that praised Satan (lol). When I was in Lynchburg (at Jerry Falwell’s high school, Lynchburg Christian Academy) I had to drive with these guys from school to get to driver’s ed. They used to play Chaka Khan on the way almost every day. I got to love “I’m Every Woman” and it struck me – how could something so happy and joyous be evil? Listen to it and you’ll see what I mean…

Like almost no other song that one just puts a huge smile on your face and makes you feel like you’re having a great day. And that was supposed to be evil… Right… At that point I decided to make up my own mind as to what was good and bad, and Chaka Khan was not bad – not in the least.

So deciding that god was bigger than the god of the bible wasn’t really that hard. Deciding that my being gay wasn’t evil wasn’t all that hard either.

The question became what do I do with the conservative elements in my family? For years after I came out to my parents I hoped they’d accept me. But that never happened. When my lover died of AIDS in January of ’95 Mom made a comment about how her mother had been there for her when her first husband died in World War II and I thought she got it, but that was quickly dispelled in our next conversation.

The bottom line was that it was bad for me to weigh myself down with my parents. It’s not good to be around people that tell you there’s something wrong with you – especially when they’re your parents (who are supposed to love you unconditionally) and they can’t just ignore the issue and interact with you without it getting brought up. Their lives revolved around Jerry Falwell’s church and that meant that their lives revolved around fighting liberalism including gay rights. I was the enemy and there was no way for me to be comfortable in their world.

At a point I just had to tell myself that they died and I needed to move on, which is what I did. There’s a song/video out lately, “Fuck You Very Much”…

In a way it resounds with my decision to separate from my parents, but it also trivializes the decision. It’s easy to say “fuck you very much, we hate what you stand for, please don’t stay in touch” to a stranger. It’s a more complicated process when it’s your parents.

When I was growing up our parents were sort of the glue that held our family together. I remember big phone bills calling all my sisters every week. That doesn’t happen any more. I didn’t really get those phone calls even before I had issues with them – not sure why. And now that I’m not really wanting to have much to do with them it’s a bit of a wedge in an already weak relationship with some of my sisters. It’s unfortunate really, but it is what it is…

Of course lately the issue is marriage. Let me put this bluntly – separate but equal is always separate, but never equal. Civil unions will not work – nothing but marriage will work, because only marriage has the full rights. Only with marriage can I finally give Dan citizenship…

But of course the fundamentalists, like my parents, want to tell gay folk like me what marriage means. Somehow they’ve forgotten that there’s a marriage contract involved that requires going down to your local government office. They equate marriage with the wedding ceremony – forgetting that Atheists get married all the time without any religious ceremony. So since I’m on a YouTube kick, let’s remind ourselves what “traditional, biblical marriage” really means…

Yes, biblical marriage really is that messy, and the fact that Christians think it’s some solid, honorable standard is laughable. For a moment let’s consider what it would be like if “traditional marriage” were actually enforced…

That’s right – no divorce, no blacks marrying whites, no women who weren’t virgins on their wedding night… Funny how Christians forget all those bits about “traditional marriage”…

The bottom line is Chaka Khan isn’t evil and neither are gay men and lesbians. Take a deep breath, sit down, and just accept it…

I’m starting to really hate the term “political correctness”

Posted on June 6, 2009 by BeatingUpwind

For the longest time I hated the term “gays” ’cause with very few exception I didn’t hear anyone other than bigots use the term, but that’s changed. Now I’m hating the term “political correctness” – people use it to put down people who believe in valuing other people and other perspectives much the same way conservatives use the term liberal – as if it’s a shameful term.

When I hear “political correctness” used to silence people it’s sadly used by gay people. It baffles me that a gay man would want an end to homophobia, they’d like marriage, not being fired from jobs, etc., but they’ll do things like tolerate racism in their midst. This happened at IML this year (the International Mr. Leather Contest in Chicago – a huge event that’s Chicago’s 4th largest conference). One of the presenters – a real veteran in the leather community made racist (anti-Asian) comments. Then later in the program the entertainer made stupid comments about East Indians. Yet those same people expect others to give them rights and treat them as equals. When I complained one person told me I was just being “politically correct”.

Well, it doesn’t work that way. If you want respect you have to start by respecting others. If you want others to be politically correct, perhaps you should be politically correct too. This is a clear two way street. I don’t care how much someone has contributed to a community – no one earns the right to be racist.

I should stop and say that intolerance of intolerance is not the same as other forms of intolerance. Think about math – the word “of” is used in cases like 2 of 3 – it stands for division – 2 of 3 = 2/3rds. So “intolerance of intolerance” is similar to saying -2 of -2, which equals a positive number, not a negative.

When you hear someone use the word poltical correctness to shut someone up – stop them. Explain how they probably want someone else to accept and value them – how can they ask that of others if they don’t demonstrate it themselves.

Rebuking The FUDamentalists

Posted on April 21, 2009 by BeatingUpwind

Fear Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD) is a powerful weapon. It can be as subtle as “well, I don’t know…” at a business meeting to George W. Bush getting everyone riled up with “facts” about Iraq that just weren’t true. The same thing is happening with gay rights.

Here’s a video that refutes the major claims made by the religious right about gay marriage… The bottom line is that their claims are just fears – nothing more. The sky isn’t falling…

I’m sure eventually there will be some bad consequence of gay marriage to someone, somewhere. But there’s obviously many bad consequences now for millions of gay Americans. When the time comes and a heterosexual is harmed in some way, it can be remedied in the courts and, if necessary, the legislature just as we’re trying to remedy our problems now.

More Gay-Friendly “Activist” Courts…

Posted on April 20, 2009 by BeatingUpwind

The religious right often complains about “activist” judges/courts pushing the “radical gay agenda”. Here’s one more example…

Senegal’s court of appeal has overturned the jail sentences of nine homosexuals arrested in December, according to a statement released by UNAIDS on Monday.The nine men had been sentenced to eight-year prison terms in January for “acts against nature and the creation of an association of criminals”

The decision was taken on Monday but it was not clear when the men would be freed. Senegal’s ministry of justice was not immediately available for comment about the case.

Homosexuality is illegal and taboo in the former French colony, where 94 percent of the population is Muslim.

(Source: Reuters)

That’s probably not exactly what you were expecting, but honestly what’s the difference between that court decision and one here in the US about adoption or marriage or workplace discrimination?

The religous right often says progressive liberals are the ones redefining what’s “traditional”, but in truth their the ones redefining a number of things…

In their world “equal protection” is an oxymoron – it’s not really equal at all and it only protects the people they want it to protect.
In their world marriage is a religious sacrament but they ignore all the thousands of marriages between athiests that don’t seem to bother them at all.
They now say that the only point of marriage is procreation, yet they’re fine with post-menopausal women getting married (to men).
They often say they’re “strict constructionists” but one of the guiding concepts in the US Constitution is that a contract that’s valid in one state is valid in all states and will be recognized by the federal government. But now they’ve redefined things so marriage contracts that are valid in some states aren’t valid in many other states and aren’t recognized by the federal government.

The social conservatives often forget that the role of the courts is to interpret the law. They like to brand judges who are just doing their job as “activists”. That’s hardly the case and part of what’s great about our system is that it affords a healthy debate and a balance of power.

Thankfully, things are slowly starting to shift towards equality for all people and the religious right is starting to lose…

What happened to gay creativity?

Posted on September 6, 2008 by BeatingUpwind

As happy as I am that gay men (and lesbians and the transgendered) are being more widely accepted, I feel like the gay community has lost something in the process. That our assimilation into mainstream culture has made us more ordinary.

I was just a kid in the 70s and my parents were big fans of Jerry Falwell. I remember going to Thomas Road Baptist Church one Sunday and having gay men protesting on a picket line outside, so my experience with the gay community in the 70s isn’t first hand…

But looking back at pictures and videos from the era there was a level of creativity that you don’t see anymore. Sure they have the obligatory gay guy on every design/make-over show, but how did the creativity of gay men go from the outrageous antics of groups like The Radical Faeries and The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (both founded in 1979) to making picture perfect apartments and making straight guys into metrosexuals?

I mean think The Radical Faeries are all about rejecting heterosexual norms and finding our own way – of not being afraid to blend masculine and feminine – of not being limited by norms of acceptable creativity… Here are some pics I’ve “borrowed” from LifeLube’s blog – they have a weekly Friday is for Faeries blog post which is inspiring to see that while the Faerie movement is small, it’s still very much alive…

Radical Faerie with a beard and a tiara

Radical Faerie in Indian garb

Radical Faerie - Just a regular guy

As you can see – they range the gamut – some can be wonderfully creative, others just enjoying themselves and having fun, while others are just normal guys who seem genuinely well-adjusted.

Then you have The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence… They take more of an in-your-face, over-the-top, “shock and awe” sort of approach to their creativity…

Needless to say whether it’s the Radical Faeries or The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, these are the sorts of gay guys who really push creative boundaries in our society. With the commercialization of gay creativity on reality TV shows, it just feels like gay creativity is less than it used to be – more mainstream, more homogenous.

Or maybe there are just as many as there were in the 70s, but they’re less visible because they’re now a smaller percentage of our community since all the people who had no problem “blending in” have now come out of the closet.

Still, it’s wonderful when you see crazy creative minds at work. One of the latest that I’ve come across is François Sagat who’s best known for being a big name porn star, but when you look at his his blog and his YouTube channel you realize how much more he is – how wonderfully creative he is. He is a porn star and a lot of his creativity is centered around his body (his ass in particular), but he takes it way beyond the vulgarities of porn and makes it into something fascinating and edgy…

One of his more recent videos is a music video of sorts with him, a drag queen (playing his girlfriend), and another guy who he’s got the hots for…

Yes, I like the fact that HIV/AIDS isn’t killing off gay creative talent like it was in the ’80s and early ’90s. I like the fact that gay men are back in the saddle creatively – even if that’s making straight guys into metrosexuals, or helping women chose better outfits, or decorating a home. But I’ve got a special place in my heart for the guys who are “out there” and push the limits of what’s acceptable. I’m a geek – I’ll never be one of those people, but I know they’re special – very special…